The above photos courtesy of Danny Ponomar at

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Trip From Hell - XXXXXX - Unedited

Well it was not exactly a trip from hell but one I would have rather not taken.

I flagged this guy last night from the XXXXXX and he throws me $50 and tells me to go for a drive. He was from out of town and just wanted a cruise. Hell yeah why not. He was drunk as fuck and I drove him down Mayor Magrath and was answering his questions about the city.

He decided he wanted to go back downtown so I drove down Scenic Drive and dropped him off at a newer sports bar downtown.

While giving this guy some change back a staff member from the bar came out and asked me if I would take his patron home. I agreed and should have known better because I know when a staff member escorts someone out to me like that it is usually more trouble then it is worth, which it definitely turned out to be.

So I was sitting outside of the bar with this middle aged guy and I asked him where he wanted to go. He was fumbling around with his phone and never answered my question, I was offering suggestion for other bars hoping it would be a short and convenient trip.

He did not know where he wanted to go and eventually settled on a town called XXXXXX. I agreed to take him there at a fixed rate and drove him to a bank machine because he had no cash.

I drove through the drive through ATM backwards to accommodate this guy and he was seriously fucked up. I felt like I was teaching him how to use a bank machine for the first time. I made comments like "you are putting your card in the wrong way, turn it around", "don't press $40, press $60", "dude you just canceled the transaction", "press the button to the right of "yes" it is not a touchscreen", "press ok", "get your bank card back, it is right there, no it is lower, to the right".

Yeah 10-15 minutes at the ATM with step by step instructions from me which lead to two failures to get cash and the bank machine went down temporarily, I suspect the machine even realized something was wrong with this guy.

So I finally get paid to go to XXXXXX. The guy tells me he needs to stop somewhere. I asked where and he came up with no reasonable response other than mmjhjmhjmm, somewhere. He really wasn't mumbling drunk, it was worse, he could not even explain anything to me.

I just told him we were off to XXXXXX and that I would get him there. He passed out on me in the front seat somewhere on Mayor Magrath Drive.

When I was approaching XXXXXX I yelled and woke his ass up and asked him to tell me where to go in town because I had no idea where he lived. He instructed me this way and then that way, it was getting old fast and I knew we were driving in circles after a while. This drunk fuck had no clue of where we were and neither did I. He mentioned that he lived a half mile outside of town. I was driving around aimlessly on the outskirts of XXXXXX and it got old real fucking fast.

I kept asking him to tell me where to go while asking if we were going in the right direction. I knew we were lost (more less) and this guy was so fucked up I just had no clue of where to take him.

Eventually I became completely fed up with this drunk and drove back into the town of XXXXXX. I opened his window and said to the effect "it is time to sober up and this is your last chance to guide me to your place" or I am going back to Lethbridge.

He started giving me new directions and I was pissed right off and let him know it. If we were in Lethbridge I would have dumped his ass off a lot sooner but I have a conscience and I would never just leave someone on a corner street of some town in -20 weather, he would have likely froze to death had I kicked him out of the car.

As a side note I had seen an RCMP officer when we first arrived in town and after being completely lost with this fuck for half an hour had I seen the police again I would have flagged them down and said "he is your problem now, sorry".

Where was I going with this...

So he finally gets his shit straightened out and recognized some gas station. I drove him into the boonies well outside of XXXXXX. This farmer had finally found his farm and I was more than happy to get him out of the car. I asked for some additional cash because I literally drove around for more than half an hour aimlessly in the fucking country trying to find this fucks farm, he found a couple bucks but for fucks sakes I was seriously pissed right off and I let him know it.

I metered my way back to town and it was around $32 to get back to the city, around half of what the rate it to XXXXXX. Had this guy not passed out on me on the way to his farm it would have been so much easier because he did not live that far out of town and it turned out to be completely senseless to actually go all the way to XXXXXX.

I am just glad I got this guy home, I am sure he is a decent guy and had a nice looking farm, next time I will refuse and recommend a hotel in town.

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