The above photos courtesy of Danny Ponomar at

Saturday, January 8, 2011

You Have Had Too Many Drinks When.......

I pick you up at a downtown bar and your friends are helping you into the cab because you can hardly stand on your own.

This was the only time I heard you speak the entire trip when you mentioned to the effect "hey are you coming over to party" to his friends while they were helping him into the car.

So his friends get him in the car and were asking him to tell me his address, he mentioned he was good to go and his friends went back to the outside entrance of the bar.

I turned around and asked this guy where he was going and what his address was. I was looking at him and he was definitely in his own world at this point and could not provide me with his address when I asked for it, a few times. It got old fast and I pulled back into the parking stall and put on the interior light, at least to try to get him to fucking wake up or whatever, but more less to let his friends know that this trip is going no where fast.

So one of his work buddies comes up to my window and asks me what is going on, I mentioned "I have been asking him address and he has not said a single word to me", so his friend opens the back door and manages to find the guys wallet, he found the guys id and told me the address. My next question for his friend was "does he have $20 bucks in there". The guys friend ended up giving me $20 from his own pocket to get his friend home. Also I am sure the guy would have been able to pay me but it was a good question to ask at the time because he was fucked up.

So I now know where this guy lives and have some cash to take him there.

Once we arrived at his residence I was seriously hoping his friend had told me the correct address from his ID and I wished that I had seen his address myself because when we arrived at the place I yelled "Is this your house, we are here, is this your place, etc." He seemed very confused and said nothing but his body language suggested that he did not want to go here and just wanted to sleep in the taxi. FUCK THAT.

This guy looked bewildered and I thought I was not at his house, he was literally non responsive but still functioning the entire trip. I turned on the interior lights and asked (yelled) "is this your house, this is where your friends told me to take you".

I was looking right at him and it was almost like he was passed out with his eyes still open and he was still moving. It was really something else, this guy was like a zombie.

So the time is 12:30 am.

After repeated attempts to get this guy moving out of the cab I got pissed off (within reason). I went up to the door where his friends told me to take this guy and I rang the door bell a few times until a woman appeared in the doorway. I asked "Is that your husband in the taxi", she responded "I am not sure but he is not home yet". I told her that he was confused and I needed her help.

She came out shortly afterwards and convinced him to get out of the car and we both helped him into the house. For everything that I did for this guy (all the while being paid I suppose) he would not stop his loud farts while we were helping him into the house. Even though we were outside I just felt disgusted while holding this guys sweaty armpit in my hand and listening to him fart.

I have nothing against this guy and I am sure he is just a random normal guy that had a couple to many. I feel that I performed my job very well in this situation.

Not really sure if this applies here but I just can not resist....   To the wife, at least he came home to you, some guys do not.

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